Perez Hilton Didn't See This Coming, is He for Real?

I'm a little late hopping on this train, but Perez Hilton got punched in the face a few days ago. According to him, he was hit by the tour manager of the Black Eyed Peas. Said tour manager has already been charged for assault by the Canadian Police (the incident happened in Toronto) so this is true.

Will.I.AM of the Black Eyed Peas made a video statement discussing what happened that night. I'm not going to talk about it much because it is, quite frankly, boring.

The real gem was Perez Hilton's reply to the statement. I'm not going to go into too much detail about the video because you can just watch it, but the main theme is how mystified Perez is that someone would hit him.

My response to that is, "Bullshit!" I don’t believe for some second that Perez didn’t know this would happen eventually. He’s just acting like this so he can play the “hapless victim” card. Personally, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. Whether or not he deserved it (I'll leave that for the fans and haters to duke out), he definitely had it coming. Perez's blog has been up for five years, and most of that time has been spent talking trash about celebrities. I'm not talking about mundane comments like "His music sucks!" or "She is a skank." That's there, too, but what he is really famous for are his obscene additions to photos of celebrities. It is not uncommon for find a picture of whatever celebrity he is attacking edited—with MS Paint quality—to make it look like jizz was coming out of their mouth. If I walked around showing people pictures of themselves with man-juice on their face, I know I would get slapped. It’s common sense.

There were other warnings, too. People have sued Perez for some of the things on his blog. At this point most people would have thought, "Maybe I should tone it down a bit and stop turning pictures of Vanessa Hudgens into bukkake porn." Nope, not Perez. He just kept covering pics with cum like he owned a sperm bank. I'm not saying he should have stopped insulting celebrities completely, but the lawsuits should have been enough to make him realize that some people are affected enough by his content to take action against him, which brings me back to my point: Why is he so surprised about being hit?

Doesn't he realize the risk that comes with being a mudslinger? If you do nothing but insult people, eventually someone is going to take exception to it and fight back. Most of the time it is just verbally, but some people will fight with their fists. It's easy to avoid getting hit if you keep a low profile and hide behind a computer screen, but Perez is often in the position to do it to their face.

Unlike the writers of most other popular mudslinging websites, Perez is high profile. Perez is acknowledged by the mainstream media and participates regularly in celebrity events. The day he got punched, Perez was at the MuchMusic Video Awards AS PART OF LADY GAGA'S ENTOURAGE. Perez puts himself out there, surrounding himself with the very celebrities he insults. And he's still shocked about being punched? Come on!

But Perez wasn't hit at the video awards. The manager punched him at an afterparty. This part confused me the most. As I stated earlier, Perez is no stranger to the party scene. He's been to nightclubs, bars, and other nighttime events with celebrities in the past. What do people do in bars and clubs? Get drunk and party. Why do they have bouncers in these places? Because some people get violent when they drunk and all it takes a rude remark to make fist start flying. Almost anyone has been to a bar or club (or watches VH1 and MTV) knows this to be true. The few who don't are either completely oblivious or don't go out often (like once a year). Since Perez obviously goes out often, that would mean he'd have to be oblivious to not know how fights get started in clubs. So he's expecting to us to believe he can sense a celebrity scandal from 50 miles away in the dark, but he can't see the interactions going on the club around him? I’m not buying it.

So in summary, yes, Perez, you punched were in the face. Yes, it was wrong for the tour manager to do that to you. Yes, you are allowed to say whatever you want. Finally, yes, you don't have to respect anyone. But if you honestly can't understand how or why someone would hit you for the things you have said, then you are too dumb to be out in public and should join the Lucy Spiller wannabes writing for Gawker. You aren't a moron, so stop pretending you didn't see this coming just to get sympathy.

The real irony of all this is that Perez, who is openly gay, got punched because he called someone a "faggot." If he hadn't been saying something he shouldn't have been saying (derogatory slurs), none of this would have happened.