Getting Over Your Oneitis

Note: I posted this on Stylelife a while back and it just now occurred to me to post it here as well because I know not all of you guys read that forum. Since the posting of the original, several issues were brought up and so the trouble-shooting section has been updated to accommodate those issues.


These last couple of months have seen a noticeable increase in “oneitis” threads so I decided to put a little something together to help all these people get over their oneitis.

The first issue I’ve noticed is that some people are misusing the word “oneitis.”

Oneitis – An obsession with a woman. It is the belief that this woman is unique and somehow better than all the other girls out there. Typically vocalized as “there is no one like her” or “she’s not like the other girls.”

This belief usually leads to raising a woman on a pedestal to the point where it is impossible to game her properly because her perceived value is so high. Since the man ends up showing too much interest in his oneitis, he is blown out or put in the friend zone.

Now that the word is defined I’ll tell you some ways to get over it.

But Ryan, can’t the guy just bang ten other girls and be done with it? Why bother writing a whole article about it?

Many of the guys who have a oneitis are new to the game. They are struggling with getting a solid phone number from a single girl, let alone a lay. How they supposed to all of a sudden get ten girls to have sex with them?

It’s not the sex that matters, it’s the realization behind it. The important thing is realizing that your oneitis is not a goddess, she is not more unique or better than other women. You can have sex with 10, 20, or 100 women; but if you don’t realize this simple fact, you will still have oneitis. Likewise, getting over your oneitis can be done, and has been done, without sex. That’s what this guide is about.

The key to getting over your oneitis is not only realizing that she’s not unique, but that there are many other girls out there that are equal or better than she is.

Step 1: Making a List

Most of the time, the formation of a oneitis is completely emotional. When a man is forced to look at the situation logically, his reasons for valuing his oneitis break down.

In order to get you thinking logically, I want you to get out a piece of paper or open up a document on your computer and make a list of all the reasons why this woman is unique. How many do you have? How specific are they? For example, is it something like “she’s nice to me” or is it “I absolutely love that butterfly tattoo on her left hand?”

Step 2: Checking it Twice

Got that list? Good. Now go through all the reasons you listed for why she is unique. Ask yourself why these things make her unique. Are you absolutely sure you can’t get this from anyone else? Why are her “unique” traits so important to you anyway?

Step 3: Finding Others Just as Nice

Now, add to this list women who share some or all of these qualities. It doesn’t matter if you know them or not. For example, if you think Paris Hilton shares some or all of these qualities, add her to the list. Now look at the list again. Look at how many other women share these attributes. Your oneitis is not so unique anymore is she?

Step 4: What if Everyone Else is Naughty?

Can’t find anyone who shares the same qualities? The only way to solve this is to go out and talk to more people. Not to get numbers or to get lays, but just to get a general feel for their personality (because you probably only have a general feel for your oneitis’ personality). Once you have done so, repeat step 3.

Note: Don’t feel obligated to perform the whole exercise. If step 1 was all it took, then you are done. However, if you do wish to follow every step, do them in order and don’t skip one.

Troubleshooting:

It’s not always smooth sailing. Sometimes there are bumps in the road to getting over your oneitis. Here are a few things I’ve noticed and my answers to each of them.

But my oneitis just out of a bad relationship! She says she wants some time to think things through and then she will try forming a relationship with me.

Every case is different, but I’m willing to bet that this is just something they say to string you along for “just in case.” I’m assuming most of you have read The Game. If your value is high enough, a woman won’t wait until she is out of a relationship to start dating/sleeping with you. She will cheat on her lover. Likewise, she won’t care if she’s just gotten out of a relationship. That said, some girls really do just need time to think things through. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out and find other girls. Afterall, do you think she’s just sitting around not doing anything?

I’ve had personal experience with this one. This happened my senior year in highschool, long before I learned game. My oneitis had just broken up with her BF and said something to the effect of “I’m not ready for relationship right now.” So I waited for her to be ready. And waited. And while I was waiting, she was meeting others guys. Before I knew it, she was in love with someone else, and I was left with nothing.


I’ve tried hooking up with other girls, but every time I do it, my oneitis gets mad and I feel bad about it.

First off, how does she know you are hooking up with other girls? Are you telling her? If so, stop. Bragging about your accomplishments is not alpha. And besides, it’s just bad business. How is a girl going to feel about sleeping with you if she knows everything she did with you will be heard by everyone in the area?

But Ryan, what about jealousy plotlines? There’s a difference between “accidentally” making a girl jealous and trying to make a girl jealous. The first is good. The second is cheap and transparent. If a woman knows you are trying to make her jealous, she will realize how much you value her and that you see her as the prize.

Anyway, the fact remains that she somehow knows you are hooking up with other girls and she’s mad about it. So what? Why do you even let that bother you? You guys aren't in a relationship. You're not even having sex. You don't owe her anything. The next time she gets mad at you, say this "I don't see why you are getting so upset, it's not like we're dating or anything." She's the one who didn't want the relationship, remember? So why should you feel bad for hooking up with other girls? I can you tell this right now: she won’t feel a bit of remorse when she hooks up with other guys. And if she does, it won’t be about you.


She calls me late at night to talk to me about whatever or she calls me to talk about her problems. Surely this is a sign that she feels something.

Sure she does feel something: she feels like you are an excellent emotional tampon. You are the person she goes to when she wants someone to put up with her drama/crap. Why does she go to you instead of another girl? Ego boost. She wants to think that she is so awesome/hot/whatever that she can get guys to listen to her crap. You are just a tool to feed her ego.

Try this: Stop listening to her crap. Either change the subject or tell her you don’t feel like talking to her about her issues at this time. Will she still talk to you or will she drop you out of her life altogether? If it’s the latter, then she was just using you.

The reality is that usually, she doesn’t do this the guys she’s having sex with and the guys she has sex with wouldn’t listen if she tried.

A few people have come back to with, "I tried this and she says she talks this way to all her guys friends."

This only confirms what I said above. My solution is the either tell you her that you don't want to hear it or ignore the comment and change the subject altogether. The former, people have said, seems like something an asshole would say. Tucker Max gives the best answer to this one, "[People] will treat you the way you let them...if you demand respect [they] will either respect you or [they] won't associate with you." Either way, you are better off.

She’s the only girl who’s every talked to/acknowledged me.

Why did you get into game in the first place? To get more girls to talk to and acknowledge you. You got into the game to expand you options, not to latch on to the first person who doesn’t blow you out.

I live in Hicktown, Nowhere. She’s the only girl I can flirt with!

Do you have a car? A bus pass? A train pass? A friend who is willing to give you a ride? If so, leave town when you want to go sarging. Everyone has at least one city around them where there are good girls.

I try to cut her out of my life, but she keeps calling me!

Okay? Is someone pointing a gun to your head and forcing you to answer your phone? Just because she calls doesn’t mean you have to answer.

Is it okay to have oneitis for a girl if you are in a serious relationship with her?

No! Do you know what oneitis in a relationship is called? Neediness, and we all know that neediness is a major turn-off.

I don't think it's healthy to obsess over anyone, regardless of what your relationship is to them. Before I learned game, I had a girl who was obsessed with me (read: she stalked me, oneitis to the extreme) and it was detrimental to both of us.

And there you have it. Remember guys, even if she is the sun she is still just one of billions of stars.

Feel free to comment/ask questions/argue about anything I’ve said.



*It generated enough drama and surreal events to fill a book, but it's not a book I would want to write nor a book you would want to read.