It seems Aphrodite threw me a bone last night. Usually, when I spend too much time “blessing Dionysus,” I am unable to function socially. I don’t know what it was, but despite all my drinking I was able to number close almost every girl at a party that was made up of mostly guys.
Last week, a girl I hadn’t talked to in while, Betty, surprised me with an invite to her party. Since I hadn’t seen her in over a year and didn’t have anything else to do I decided to go. Besides, a girl whose pants I had been trying to get into since graduation was on the guest list so I figured I could run some more game on her at the party.
Since I only knew three people on the guest list, I invited one of my friends, Proton, to come along. I told him where the party was and he told me he’d be there around 11. It was currently 9 and I planned to show up at 10:30, which meant I had some drinking to do.
I had recently discovered the Powerade’s use as a mixer. Whether I’m drinking rum, vodka, gin, or a combination of the three, Powerade completely covers up the taste of the alcohol. Needless to say, I was pretty drunk when I got to the party.
Recently, I’ve started bringing a flask to parties. Why? Because I’ve learned the hard way that party-punch and game don’t mix. So instead of playing the lotto and hoping for something good, I bring my own alcohol so I know exactly what I’m drinking. Tonight, it would be a mix of gin, vodka, and rum.
As soon as I got to the party, I greeted Betty and we had some soju together. Afterwards, I took a look around and realized most of the people at the party were guys. I figured since it was early, more girls would show up later. That would not be the case. I was too drunk to put two and two together at the time, but it was math/physics major party. Guess how many girls major in math or physics? Exactly.
Oh well, I was having fun. Most of the guys were really cool (or maybe I was just drunk) and since I graduated with an engineering degree, I could relate to all of them. The highlight of this section is the guys doing keg-stands. Normally keg-stands aren’t worth writing about, but these guys put a weird twist on it. Someone had brought a banana costume. Every time someone wanted to do a keg-stand, that person would put the costume on. It was amusing until some guy threw up in the ice around the keg. But this story isn’t about the guys.
The first number I got was after Proton had arrived. I was in the middle of telling my “Testicle Report” story him and this other guy when a girl walked up to us. I will be honest, this girl was very large. She probably weighed more than I did, and I’m not a small guy, but she also wore glasses. Glasses on a woman are my kryptonite. No matter how ugly she is, if I’m drunk and she has on glasses, I will think she is hot. I told her she was just in time for the best part of the story. The testicle story naturally leads into the “I made out with an engaged girl” story, which leads into my “why I don’t drink the punch at parties anymore” story.
After I had them cracking up with my three stories the other guy wanted Proton to tell a story. There was just one problem: Proton didn’t have any stories. He doesn’t socialize much at parties, he mostly watches people. I don’t know what he gets out of this, but it’s not my place to judge.
So I told a story for him. The story was a fictional tale about how Proton and I went to Cancun and picked up two girls by being gentlemen and walking them back to their hotel room. (Who knows, I might write and post the story one day!) Everyone knew it was fake, but it was still funny.
Anyway, Proton wanted to sit down, the guy wanted to the leave the party, and I didn’t want to be stuck with the fat girl so I got out of the situation the only way I knew how: I got her number.
The girl I had wanted to fuck still hadn’t shown up at the party yet (she wouldn’t show up at all), but another cute girl did. A few weeks ago, I saw a girl at the gym with pink hair. Other than the hair she didn’t really stand out in the look department. She was cute, but not unique. She showed up at the party and since she was one of the three girls at the party, I decided to hit on her. The interaction went something like this:
I learned that she was smart, had similar hobbies to me, and possibly crazy (she had five jello shots at the same time). By this time, I was pretty drunk so I decided to try something new. I told her that I was leaving in at the end of July so the chance of us having anything long term was zero; however, I’d be more than willing to give her a little “black magic.” Then I said, “If that doesn’t sit well with you, you can start fleeing in terror now.” She stayed so I talked to her for a bit longer and got her number. She left soon afterwards.
I’d also like to note that at some points during the interaction, I would walk off. Guys would descend upon her and start hitting on her, but none of them got through. Then I would arrive and start talking to her and they’d leave. I was the only on who got her number that night.
Other funny things that happened that night:
- The guy who puked in the keg went into destructive-drunk mode, ripped a piece metal off the elevator, and proceeded to go around the room telling people to sign it because it was someone’s birthday.
- Not to be outdone, some other guy tore one of the emergency lights out of the wall and proceeded to show it to people at the party.
- Bored with normal grinding, I decided to break tradition and rub my ass against the girl’s crotch. Everyone around started cheering us on.
- People would take ice from the keg and put in their drinks (they didn’t know someone had puked in earlier). I would wait until after they had started drinking to tell them someone threw up in that ice. The looks on their faces never stopped being funny.
I got a couple more numbers, but only the last one of the night is worth mentioning. It happened at another party I went to and I’m only mentioning it because of the unusual circumstances surrounding it.
After I left Betty’s party, I went to another one on the roof of another apartment complex. I don’t exactly remember what I said to the girl at this party, but I think it was something similar to what I told the pink-haired girl. Afterward, I asked for her number. What makes this stand out? The entire time, her gay friend was trying to pull her away from me. I ignored him and she proceeded to give me her number as he pulled her away.
Me - 1
Cockblocker - 0
The only downside of the night is that I every kiss-close I tried failed, but that might be a blessing in disguise since every girl I make out with usually doesn’t talk to me afterwards. So the next step is to call up some of these girls and see where things go.
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