Ryan Goes Sober II: Murphy's Sneak Attack

Date Occurred: July 11 2009

Murphy’s law: Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

It’s not always true, but it has a tendency of making itself known when least expected. This report is not one of success. Sure, I gained some victories, but my ultimate goal was not met. Part of it can be blamed on Murphy, but I think the bigger problem was me. So with that said, I need your help. As you read this FR, keep this question in mind, “What could Ryan have done better?” And comment telling me what you think.

What I’ve noticed that is that confidence goes a long way. If you act like you’re supposed to be at a party, people are more likely to accept your presence there. I’ve done it twice already. The door guards at the frat were excluding non-members and non-rushees, but because I showed no hesitation and acted like there was no problem with me being there the bouncer decided let me in. I seemed like a nice guy, he said.

That confidence quickly melted away once I got inside. The thought sarging sober had sunk in and made me nervous. I had AA and my body language was tense. So I did what I usually did when I got like this: talked to the guys to warm up the social muscles and get rid of AA. Sadly, it didn’t work too well. Set after set of girls were going by and I wasn’t doing anything.

Most of the guys I talked to were friendly. There was the occasional douchebag, but that’s expected at a frat party. I was tired of talking to just guys so I made a few warm approaches, girls I had met at other parties or knew me from other events. Two of them were girls I met last night, they were very friendly, but I figured I could do better in the looks department. So I ejected with plans to come back later if I couldn’t hook anything better.

There are only three sets here that matter. Yeah, it’s a small number but when you consider what was going on in one particular set you will see why.

After each set, I will talk about what I think I did right, and what I think I did wrong. One advantage of being sober is that I can breakdown and analyze my own approaches because I am more aware of what is going on. I’d like you guys to comment on these analyses as well. Unlike with most of my nights, I didn’t remember much of actual dialogue, but I do remember more of what when down. So my recollections will be based less on words and more on actions.

Set #1: Blonde (HB7.5) and Brunette (HB7)

This was the first set that hooked. Brunette was occupied by other things (she was watching the beer pong table) so I talked to the Blonde. I don’t remember what I opened with, but it was something mundane. Either I said, “Hi” or commented on the beer pong game going on. I’ve learned from experience that openers don’t really matter, anyway.

Being sober gave me the advantage of being able to do the playful teasing that has worked so well for me. When drunk, I’m not witty enough to pull it off. She told me she hadn’t played beer pong in awhile. So I made a joke about how she was “Jonesing for beer pong.” She thought it was funny. I’d touch her shoulder lightly whenever I’d ask her a question about a new subject. When she told me she was a business major, I used a technique that usually works well for me. I pretend to lose all interest in her and turn away. Then when she gets upset I turn around and give her hug and say, “I’m just messing with you.” Out of the dozens of times I’ve used this technique, it has only backfired on me twice. I eventually got her number. Sadly, that’s as far as the interaction went. Most of my time went to the next girl.

Analysis:

Good:

• I kinoed at natural times (whenever I was changing the subject). It wasn’t just random touching. Nor did I just hang on to her.
• I managed to keep up the playful teasing and didn’t to the interview material that I usually talk about when I get too drunk.
• I got her to laugh, which is something I’ve been working on. It shows I’m taking steps forward.

Bad:

• I was too nervous to push interaction further. I should have tried to isolate her.
• I was worried about Brunette cockblocking me so I was afraid to try anything. Blonde introduced me to Brunette and we all talked for a bit, but eventually Brunette went back to paying to attention to whatever she was paying attention to, leaving us alone. This was a cue that Brunette had no problem with me hitting on Blonde. I was just too afraid to take it further.

Set #2: HBOpen (HB7.5)

I saw a girl, HBOpen, standing close to a group, but not really in it. When I approached HBOpen she was almost immediately attracted to me. She had probably been drinking quite a bit. At one point during our initial interaction, she said she “wanted to put me in her pocket and take me home.” She initiated kino and I followed suit. We talked about various things. I used that false takeaway technique I mentioned above on her at some point as well. I can’t remember where exactly I used it, though.

We separated for a bit for some reason. I don’t remember the reason, but I do remember not being at fault. After some time, I reopened her and we talked some more. She was standing by herself again. This time I talked more. She asked my age and I told her to guess. She guessed high and I laughed at her about it. She kept kinoing me and told me how funny I was. I got her number.

This is when Murphy came in. We entered a set with her brother. Everything was good at first. He was a cool guy, a little touchy-feely, but cool. He was really drunk and doing flips for us. I kept cracking jokes about it with HBOpen and the other guy in the set. Then all of a sudden, three guys came up and kicked HBOpen’s brother out of the party. Long story short, he had apparently gotten too touchy feely with a few of the guy’s girlfriends and the guys got the wrong idea. It was curve ball I couldn’t have prevented or seen coming. The reason doesn’t really matter here what does matter is that this event distracted HBOpen for much of the party. Suddenly her attention wasn’t focused on me anymore. I tired to compete, but it’s hard to beat out drama like that.

I did find one point where we were isolated and that was when I tried the pull attempt:

Me: I’m leaving in a bit. Would you like to come with me?

HBOpen: Where are you going?

Me: My apartment.

HBOpen: What are we going to do there.

Me: Hang out.

HBOpen: Right…

Me (starts slipping up): No, there’s some cool stuff I want to show you.

HBOpen: What kind of stuff?

Me: Uhh… music.

She had me and she knew it. She refused. Nothing else work mentioning happened between us. Sadly, I spent most of my time working on this girl only to have nothing come out of it.

Analysis:

Good:

• Once again, kept things going with playful teasing.
• I kept things cool by making her laugh.
• I made a pull attempt. Not only was it my first in awhile, but it was my first time doing one alone and sober.

Bad:

• I didn’t kino nearly enough. As much as this girl was touching me and giving me verbal IOIs, I should have my arms around her.
• Stood around like a chode a couple of times.
• I totally messed up the pull attempt. I think I was way too passive. I instead of “would you like to come with me?” I think I should have tried, “Are you ready to go?” Or “Let’s get out of here.”
• Also when she asked me what we were going to do at my apartment, I didn’t have a good reply. Something to say here would be nice.
• There were multiple times I could have kissed-closed her, but I was too worried about being denied (yeah, this shocks me too). When I finally did try to do it, too many other things had happened and the logistics here now bad.

Set #3:

I’m only mentioning this set because I got AMOGed due to my hesitation. HBOpen was walking with two other girls and I joined their set. HBOpen went to the bathroom and I was left with the two girls. Both of them seemed very interested in talking to me. I saw standing up they were sitting down. Eventually two other guys came up. One knew them (I think) and the other one knew the guy who knew the girls. The second guy asked me how the girls were. I said they were cool. The first guy had already sat down next to the first girl. The second guy, after I answered the question, sat down next to the second girl, the cute redhead. I was now the odd man out of a set I had been doing good with. I ejected.

Analysis:

Good:

• Kept things interesting and had them hooked.

Bad:

• I really didn’t know how to answer that guy’s question. What should I have said when the guy asked me “How are the girls?”
• Lock in, lock in, lock in! I didn’t lock in. I thought about it, but didn’t do it. And that hesitation to lock in cost me the set.
• And that was the night.
• So anyway, I want your opinions. What do you think I could have done better? How could I have handled those bad situations better?

P.S.

I found out the next day that HBOpen was still in high school and considering when she was supposed to graduate, she was probably underage. While it sucks that I didn't f-close her, getting arrested for statutory rape would have sucked even more.