The Most Evil Game I Have Ever Run

Date Occurred: July 14

CAUTION: If you think of me as a nice guy who cares about people and always takes the high road and you want to keep thinking this, don’t read this FR. Even I am surprised by my behavior. You have been warned!

Tonight started differently than most of my other nights because it started with absinthe. I had bought a bottle a long time ago, but was saving it for when I finally moved out of my apartment and got a job. Well, I got the job in San Diego and will be moving out at the end of July so it was time to drink up and crash a frat party.

After an insignificant adventure with some random people I met on the street, I eventually parted ways with them and went to frat party. Despite all the absinthe, I was still sober. I eventually started talking to a cute (HB7) girl about absinthe. There are a lot of myths about absinthe and I corrected her. I’m only mentioning this because it led to a discussion of the famous writers and artists who drink absinthe. I won points with her because I knew my absinthe-drinkers and she was an art history major. I would eventually get her number later in the night, but this story isn’t about her.

I used my playful teasing on a really cute blonde (HB8). I said she was a trouble maker who was being nice and flirty with me just to get some of my absinthe. Then I pretended to be mad at her for being a business major. I told her, “We’d fight all the time and I’d win because I’m an engineer.” I ended up getting a kiss on the cheek from her. Unfortunately, this story isn’t about her, either.

This story is about a girl I’m calling HBpickedon (HB7). This girl didn’t get her name because she was picked on in high school, she got her name because a group of people (myself including) were making fun of her. And not in the playful way, either.

Long story short, one of the guys in the frat had gotten drunk and made out with her. According to him and his female friends, she was “ugly.” This caused him to ridicule and scorn her once his friends started picking on him about it. This made her cry.

[I’m going to pause for a second and say this. There was nothing wrong with HBpickedon. She wasn’t ugly by any stretch. In fact, she was cute. She had a wonderful personality, too. I had talked with her earlier and had a good conversation with her. Really sweet girl, definitely not a bitch. The only thing I could hold against her was that she was a smoker. She in no way deserved any of what she had already gotten and what we were about to give her.]

I didn’t come into the picture until after her first crying session. The guy and his friends were joking about him kissing HBpickedon and I joined in. I told him “Hey, you’re doing good work. You sleeping with the ugly girl means we don’t have to.” I started fake crying, Glenn Beck style. “Taking one for the team, I’m so proud of you. YOU’RE A HERO, MAN!!!” Everyone in the group thought I was hilarious. HBpickedon was standing right behind us listening us all bust on her. She went off into a corner and cried again. Note: The entire time, I knew he was talking about HBpickedon, but I joined in anyway. This guy had really hot girls (HB7.5 and above) in his group and I wanted to gain rep with them so I joined them in mauling HBpickedon’s already wounded self-esteem. But that’s not the worst part this story.

Despite all the nasty things I said about her, she still liked me because I had been nice to her to her face. Even though I was busting on her with that group of people, she didn’t process that I was one of the people making fun of her (alcohol: nature’s mulligan generator). For this reason, I was still in good with her. Used to this to my advantage. At one point I hugged her, rubbed her back, told her not to feel down, and gave her a little bit of my absinthe (yes, I had brought a flask with me) because it would “make her feel better.” By this point she was really into me. I made fun of her behind her back to gain social proof while playing the “sympathetic nice guy” to her face to get her to like and trust me (it was attraction and comfort at once). I was a perfect double agent, but that’s not the worst part of this story either.

This is the worst part of the story. During HBpickedon’s crying/emotional sessions, I had been hitting on other girls (the first two girls I mentioned and a few more). However, this other guy, [Jack] had only been hitting on HBpickedon. Unlike me, he hadn’t been making fun of her. He wasn’t even there when the drama took place. Jack had spent most of the night working on HBpickedon and getting her buying temperature up. They were chatting and dancing, but I don’t think he kissed her. Jack was a good guy who did everything right. Eventually, HBpickedon wanted to leave the party. She kissed Jack goodbye (on the cheek) and went on her way.

I wanted to say goodbye to HBpickedon as well. After all, I liked her. We said our goodbyes and we hugged. She kissed me on the cheek. This wasn’t enough so I moved in to kiss her on the lips and she complied. If that had been it, I would have been happy, but we both wanted more. So we did a quick make-out. Then she left. I was really happy about this, as I had not made-out with a girl since early May. I had kissed girls on the lips since then, but hadn’t made-out with them. I was back in the game. Her friend (HB7) was also leaving. I had only talked to this girl briefly, but I was on high from kissing HBpickedon. Using that energy, I managed to kiss her friend too.

By this time the party was wrapping up. I was outside in the backyard of the frat house and was heading inside so I could leave the party. As I was walking in, who did I see? HBpickedon. I thought she was laving, but apparently, she had forgotten something. I number closed her as we both walked back inside the house. This time she had to go for real so I kissed her goodbye one last time. I heard a familiar voice mutter, “Oooo!” I glanced in the direction of the sound to see Jack and friend watching us. Ouch! After that, I left the party without saying goodbye to Jack.

I felt bad about what I did. Jack had been working on the girl for most of the night, and I came in and made-out with her. He was nice to her and got nothing yet I made fun of her behind her back and kissed and number closed her. This was my first time actually stealing a girl another guy had been gaming. It was selfish and it the fact that I thought the guy was cool just made it worse, but at the same time I had needs.

Overall Personal Assessment:

The Good:

• Finally got another make-out. It means I’m back in the game; being sober rocks!
• I did finally did start taking some risks. That’s how I kissed HBpickedon’s friend. I just went for it.
• I made friends with everyone and got people laughing. Since being funny is something I’m working on, this was a sign of progress.
• I wasn’t nervous this time. The last couple of times I went out sober, I was nervous because I hadn’t gone sober in awhile. And yes, despite all the drinking I was still sober because I drank on a full stomach.

The Bad:

• Still having trouble escalating. For example, I didn’t kino the girl I had the absinthe debate when we were isolated. She even gave me verbal IOIs. One that sticks out was, “You’re like my best friend at this party!”
• It took me until the very end of the party to actually kiss some girls when, looking back, I could have kissed a few of the earlier. One of the other girls I had been hitting on that I didn’t mention (an HB8.5) and I were isolated while waiting for the bathroom. I had made a joke about how I could use my superior strength to take her spot in line (it was just us two, but she was in front of me). There was no one else around so I could have kissed her. I may have been able to pull her into the bathroom. We had been joking about my “black mamba” earlier in the night and I could have played that up and used it to get her into the bathroom with me.
• In retrospect, I should have tried to get HBpickedon to come to my place. She came with four friends, but all of them liked me (especially the one I kissed) and probably wouldn’t have given me any trouble.

The Ugly:

• This was the most diabolical thing I’ve ever done. The worst thing is I have no idea where it came from. I was acting completely out of character last night.
• I used to get picked on a lot in high school so I had tried my best to never pick on anyone, which was why I was hesitant to add playful teasing to my game when I first started out. Yet here I was being cruel to a girl who didn’t deserve it for my own selfish popularity gains, just like high school. The girls, while hot, weren’t even that great personality wise. One wasn’t even going to college; she just worked at an ice cream store full-time. I lost interest in them and chased other girls.
• I played the “nice guy who cares” angel to HBpickedon’s face, making her into me, while busting on her behind her back to gain popularity with the girls mentioned above.
• I took HBpickedon away from Jack, who was being the kind gentleman. This was the first time I ever took a girl from another guy.

Ryan Goes Sober II: Murphy's Sneak Attack

Date Occurred: July 11 2009

Murphy’s law: Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

It’s not always true, but it has a tendency of making itself known when least expected. This report is not one of success. Sure, I gained some victories, but my ultimate goal was not met. Part of it can be blamed on Murphy, but I think the bigger problem was me. So with that said, I need your help. As you read this FR, keep this question in mind, “What could Ryan have done better?” And comment telling me what you think.

What I’ve noticed that is that confidence goes a long way. If you act like you’re supposed to be at a party, people are more likely to accept your presence there. I’ve done it twice already. The door guards at the frat were excluding non-members and non-rushees, but because I showed no hesitation and acted like there was no problem with me being there the bouncer decided let me in. I seemed like a nice guy, he said.

That confidence quickly melted away once I got inside. The thought sarging sober had sunk in and made me nervous. I had AA and my body language was tense. So I did what I usually did when I got like this: talked to the guys to warm up the social muscles and get rid of AA. Sadly, it didn’t work too well. Set after set of girls were going by and I wasn’t doing anything.

Most of the guys I talked to were friendly. There was the occasional douchebag, but that’s expected at a frat party. I was tired of talking to just guys so I made a few warm approaches, girls I had met at other parties or knew me from other events. Two of them were girls I met last night, they were very friendly, but I figured I could do better in the looks department. So I ejected with plans to come back later if I couldn’t hook anything better.

There are only three sets here that matter. Yeah, it’s a small number but when you consider what was going on in one particular set you will see why.

After each set, I will talk about what I think I did right, and what I think I did wrong. One advantage of being sober is that I can breakdown and analyze my own approaches because I am more aware of what is going on. I’d like you guys to comment on these analyses as well. Unlike with most of my nights, I didn’t remember much of actual dialogue, but I do remember more of what when down. So my recollections will be based less on words and more on actions.

Set #1: Blonde (HB7.5) and Brunette (HB7)

This was the first set that hooked. Brunette was occupied by other things (she was watching the beer pong table) so I talked to the Blonde. I don’t remember what I opened with, but it was something mundane. Either I said, “Hi” or commented on the beer pong game going on. I’ve learned from experience that openers don’t really matter, anyway.

Being sober gave me the advantage of being able to do the playful teasing that has worked so well for me. When drunk, I’m not witty enough to pull it off. She told me she hadn’t played beer pong in awhile. So I made a joke about how she was “Jonesing for beer pong.” She thought it was funny. I’d touch her shoulder lightly whenever I’d ask her a question about a new subject. When she told me she was a business major, I used a technique that usually works well for me. I pretend to lose all interest in her and turn away. Then when she gets upset I turn around and give her hug and say, “I’m just messing with you.” Out of the dozens of times I’ve used this technique, it has only backfired on me twice. I eventually got her number. Sadly, that’s as far as the interaction went. Most of my time went to the next girl.

Analysis:

Good:

• I kinoed at natural times (whenever I was changing the subject). It wasn’t just random touching. Nor did I just hang on to her.
• I managed to keep up the playful teasing and didn’t to the interview material that I usually talk about when I get too drunk.
• I got her to laugh, which is something I’ve been working on. It shows I’m taking steps forward.

Bad:

• I was too nervous to push interaction further. I should have tried to isolate her.
• I was worried about Brunette cockblocking me so I was afraid to try anything. Blonde introduced me to Brunette and we all talked for a bit, but eventually Brunette went back to paying to attention to whatever she was paying attention to, leaving us alone. This was a cue that Brunette had no problem with me hitting on Blonde. I was just too afraid to take it further.

Set #2: HBOpen (HB7.5)

I saw a girl, HBOpen, standing close to a group, but not really in it. When I approached HBOpen she was almost immediately attracted to me. She had probably been drinking quite a bit. At one point during our initial interaction, she said she “wanted to put me in her pocket and take me home.” She initiated kino and I followed suit. We talked about various things. I used that false takeaway technique I mentioned above on her at some point as well. I can’t remember where exactly I used it, though.

We separated for a bit for some reason. I don’t remember the reason, but I do remember not being at fault. After some time, I reopened her and we talked some more. She was standing by herself again. This time I talked more. She asked my age and I told her to guess. She guessed high and I laughed at her about it. She kept kinoing me and told me how funny I was. I got her number.

This is when Murphy came in. We entered a set with her brother. Everything was good at first. He was a cool guy, a little touchy-feely, but cool. He was really drunk and doing flips for us. I kept cracking jokes about it with HBOpen and the other guy in the set. Then all of a sudden, three guys came up and kicked HBOpen’s brother out of the party. Long story short, he had apparently gotten too touchy feely with a few of the guy’s girlfriends and the guys got the wrong idea. It was curve ball I couldn’t have prevented or seen coming. The reason doesn’t really matter here what does matter is that this event distracted HBOpen for much of the party. Suddenly her attention wasn’t focused on me anymore. I tired to compete, but it’s hard to beat out drama like that.

I did find one point where we were isolated and that was when I tried the pull attempt:

Me: I’m leaving in a bit. Would you like to come with me?

HBOpen: Where are you going?

Me: My apartment.

HBOpen: What are we going to do there.

Me: Hang out.

HBOpen: Right…

Me (starts slipping up): No, there’s some cool stuff I want to show you.

HBOpen: What kind of stuff?

Me: Uhh… music.

She had me and she knew it. She refused. Nothing else work mentioning happened between us. Sadly, I spent most of my time working on this girl only to have nothing come out of it.

Analysis:

Good:

• Once again, kept things going with playful teasing.
• I kept things cool by making her laugh.
• I made a pull attempt. Not only was it my first in awhile, but it was my first time doing one alone and sober.

Bad:

• I didn’t kino nearly enough. As much as this girl was touching me and giving me verbal IOIs, I should have my arms around her.
• Stood around like a chode a couple of times.
• I totally messed up the pull attempt. I think I was way too passive. I instead of “would you like to come with me?” I think I should have tried, “Are you ready to go?” Or “Let’s get out of here.”
• Also when she asked me what we were going to do at my apartment, I didn’t have a good reply. Something to say here would be nice.
• There were multiple times I could have kissed-closed her, but I was too worried about being denied (yeah, this shocks me too). When I finally did try to do it, too many other things had happened and the logistics here now bad.

Set #3:

I’m only mentioning this set because I got AMOGed due to my hesitation. HBOpen was walking with two other girls and I joined their set. HBOpen went to the bathroom and I was left with the two girls. Both of them seemed very interested in talking to me. I saw standing up they were sitting down. Eventually two other guys came up. One knew them (I think) and the other one knew the guy who knew the girls. The second guy asked me how the girls were. I said they were cool. The first guy had already sat down next to the first girl. The second guy, after I answered the question, sat down next to the second girl, the cute redhead. I was now the odd man out of a set I had been doing good with. I ejected.

Analysis:

Good:

• Kept things interesting and had them hooked.

Bad:

• I really didn’t know how to answer that guy’s question. What should I have said when the guy asked me “How are the girls?”
• Lock in, lock in, lock in! I didn’t lock in. I thought about it, but didn’t do it. And that hesitation to lock in cost me the set.
• And that was the night.
• So anyway, I want your opinions. What do you think I could have done better? How could I have handled those bad situations better?

P.S.

I found out the next day that HBOpen was still in high school and considering when she was supposed to graduate, she was probably underage. While it sucks that I didn't f-close her, getting arrested for statutory rape would have sucked even more.

Bad News...

The roadtrip isn't happening. Plans fell through with the person that was supposed to go with me so I'm postponing it until a later date. I'm still going to San Diego to look for an apartment, but the adventure-laden trek across the western United States will have to wait.

But that's the bad news.

The good news is I've moved out of my old apartment, which means I can start posting stories about all the things that have happened to me these last few weeks. As for South Dakota, I'm not sure if anything I did there is story worthy. I'll have to look at the events and see.

Coming soon...

I just got back from South Dakota a couple of nights ago and just got back to Austin yesterday. I'm moving out of my apartment here at the end of week so don't expect anything for the next couple of weeks.

That said, I have had some pretty good adventures these last couple of weeks so expect me to post stories about those and a few entries about my trip to South Dakota. Stay tuned!

Moving Forward...

This is the beginning of the end of the "college" chapter of my life. In a couple of weeks I will be leaving Austin for the foreseeable future. I might comeback on vacation, but I don't see myself living here, or anywhere else in Texas, ever again. Don't get me wrong I love Austin, but I need a change of scenery. I've lived in Texas my whole life: seventeen years in Ft. Worth and four in Austin. I want to spend the next twenty or so in other places.

I've already started boxing up my books and other non-essentials. Some of it will come with me to California, but most of it will be left with my parents. As a result of all the growing i've done these last four years, some of the things I used to think were important don't really matter anymore. One example being my drawing books. In high school and my first year of college I used to draw quite a bit, but now I do more writing than anything. I write on this blog for fun, but I also have a novel I want to get published.

Speaking of California, XIII and I have been tossing around the idea of a road trip from Austin to San Diego. I planned on going to San Diego at least once before I moved out there so I figured I'd make an adventure of it. Besides, the eighteen hour drive will be less painful if it's split up. So far, the plan is to hit El Paso, TX; Phoenix, AZ; Las Vegas, NV, Los Angeles, CA; and finally San Diego, CA. El Paso is mainly just a stop to take a break. Most of the focus will be on Las Vegas and LA since both cities have plenty to do. If we do go through with the idea, expect a log of our adventures.

Since one of the things I plan to do while in San Diego is travel to the apartments I've been looking at on the internet, expect a small update on that as well. This will happen whether I go on the road trip or not because if I'm not taking a car, I'm taking a plane.

There are a lot of things coming together right now so expect quite a few updates within the next month.

Tonight Sucked!

Tonight was very anti-climatic. None of the frat parties were letting people in and the one party I did get into had only ten people. Only one was a girl and not only was she taken, but she was unattractive. There was nothing else around campus either. Thousands of people here for the summer and not a single one throwing a good party on a Saturday night.

It looks like I'll just have to be extra crazy when I go to South Dakota next weekend. Ah, who am I kidding? What the hell am I going to do in South Dakota--with my parents around?

Going Sober

I'm going to party sober tonight (assuming my stomach feels better) and tomorrow. I don't know how things will turn out, but I'm optimistic considering how well it went last time.

Nine Circles of Drunkeness

Based on the nine circle of Hell as portrayed in Dante’s Inferno, I decided to do a spoof called the Nine Circles of Drunk to describe the stages I, and many others, go through when drinking.

First Circle – Buzzed:

I’m starting to feel the alcohol, but it’s not nearly enough to do anything significant. I’m still the same person I am when I’m sober, just a little light-headed. If I’m at this level, I’m either about to start drinking more or only had a drink because it was bought for me. For me, “buzzed” is not a fun place to be. On and empty stomach, one drink (anything containing as a shot’s worth of 40% alcohol) is enough to get me here.

Second Circle – Loose:

Just as the name suggests, I start to loosen up. If I am tense for any reason, I will loosen up when I get to this stage. My muscles ease and my body language becomes more relaxed. Even though there is no dancing going on, dancing starts to sound like a good idea. It takes two to three drinks to get me here. Driving is still possible at this stage, but I would prefer not to.

Third Circle – Tipsy:

My vision start being affected and my fingers, toes, and face become a little numb. I become more talkative and start thinking I’m the most interesting person in the room. I’m not yet at my full potential, but I become much funnier at this level. By this time I am usually singing to the music or dancing if I’m feeling frisky. It is also at this level that I acquire the infamous “drunken greed.” Drunken greed is the desire for more alcohol that comes with getting drunk. Unless I have some compelling reason not to, I will start drinking more.

Fourth Circle – Bliss:

This is the perfect level for me. I have just enough alcohol in me to be absolutely fearless, but am still sober enough to be smart about it. The lack of inhibitions causes me to stop second guessing myself and my humor and wit flow naturally. It is at this level that I have the highest chance either closing a girl having it mean something or getting further with a girl than I have ever gotten before. I was at this level when I got that girl to play with my balls in the “Testicle Report.” Unfortunately, this level is very hard to reach and I have not been able to determine the exact number of drinks it takes me to get here. Due to drunken greed I gain during the tipsy stage, I will continue to drink even if I’ve reached this level. By this time, crossing into the fifth circle is inevitable.

Fifth Circle – Drunk:

My fingers, toes, and face are numb, and it takes my brain a bit to process any information that comes from them. I will approach and talk to just about anyone, but will get bored with many of them and walk off. I become very touchy-feely at this stage. I am still funny, but I start to slip up. I was this level when I was making out with HBgrab in the “Female Body Inspection” story. I had slipped up a few times during the interaction (she didn’t get some of my jokes), but I was obviously able to recover. My timing also starts to fail and I go for closes long before it is appropriate. My vision is blurred around the edges and all the girls in the room start looking hotter. It is at this point, that I stop caring about whether or not a girl smokes.

Sixth Circle – Wasted:

This when things start to get bad. Not only will I go for smokers, but even fat girls start to become targets. Fact and fiction become arbitrary terms with no meaning. I will say anything to keep the conversation going the way I want it to, even if it isn’t true. By this time, I will get a few girls opening me because I acquired quite a bit of social proof during the fourth and fifth circles. I will start out doing good, but the chance of me making an irreparable error is extremely high. I will either weird her out, piss her off, or make a poor first impression. I was at this level when I played with that girl’s nipples in the “Female Body Inspection” story. That story ended early because I forgot her name. Now you know why.

Seventh Circle – Smashed:

There’s a huge gap between this level and the previous one. I have to either be drinking excessively on an empty stomach or drinking powerful stuff to reach this level. A this level, I will say whatever is on my mind, and mean whatever is on my mind. I weird out some people and piss off others, as I have no regard for what I say. I don’t care, either. The universe revolves around me, and it’s not my fault if people can’t handle my brilliance. I will flirt with any girl because I think all of them are hot. It is at this level that most people will stop trying to talk to me. I am no longer amusing, but annoying. I have destroyed a few weak friendships at this level and ruined the potential of many more. It is also at this level that it becomes hard for me to understand what people are saying.

Eighth Circle – Fucked-in-a-half:

This is the level where I can black out for entire segments of time. I was at that level when I crashed a guys apartment party the Saturday after Halloween. The hottest girl at the party (a sexy redhead) was loving me until I said something to piss her off. The next thing I remembered was waking up in my room the next morning wearing the same clothes I had on last night and had a monster headache. I have no control over anything at this point, as the only part of my body that works is my penis. Even then I doubt I could get it up with this much alcohol in me. I have only been twice: the time I just told you about, and the second part of my 21st b-day party where I had 7 shots of absinthe and 7 other drinks.

Ninth Circle – Oblivion:

At this level I remember almost nothing. The only memories I will have the next morning are two or three images or segments of memory that are only a few seconds long. I have only been this drunk twice. The first was during the first part of my 21st b-day. I had managed to get down 21 shots and was messed up beyond belief. I remember very little of what actually happened that night, but according to those there with me I did the following:

· Made without with a 30 year-old woman in front of both her girlfriend and boyfriend because she told me she was only 23.
· Tried to go to the bathroom, but kept trying to go through the wall instead of using the door. XIII had to grab me and guide me to the door. How I pissed without incident remains a mystery to this day.
· Gave a random girl my driver’s license because she told me to and I thought she was the bouncer. Then I accidentally hit her friend in the face trying to get it back once I realized what was going on. The real bouncer just laughed.

Supposedly, I did some other things, but my friend won’t tell me because they want to preserve my sense of self-respect.

Future Fest: Ryan Goes Sober (Part 2)

12 AM to Departure

For the first part of the night, I focused on myself and establishing a base, a group of people I could always come back to when I didn’t feel like opening new sets. Since I would be hanging with them, I could sit around and do nothing without losing value. I got opened by people who gave me more social proof and added even more to my value by giving me items. At this point, I was in the highest state I could possibly be. Time to focus on girls!

I had reunited with my original group. By this time Will and Mike had joined us along with Lee and another girl, [Betty]. Betty was hot, but she seemed to be the boyfriend of either Will or Mike so I stayed away; there were plenty of other targets.

We started a dance off with a random girl (HB7), [Linda], who was by our group. Will showed her his dance and she non-verbally graded him. I saw Will giving her more energy than he was getting from her so I decided to wingman.

Me: Now, show us what you can do!
Linda: But I don’t have anything.
Me: Excuses, excuses, get to work!

Linda started dancing for us and I showed her my dance moves. I talked to her a bit after and did some light kino. She went off to find her friend, but I ended up running into her again a few minutes later. We talked some more and took a picture together (by the way, a good way to open sets is to get them to take a picture of you). After a few minutes, her friend, who was much hotter (HB8.5) than Linda, showed up. I introduced myself as “Autobot” and she gave me her raver name. She also gave me one of her bracelets using the same ritual as Fred. After talking with them some more, I ejected. Unfortunately, I would never see Linda’s friend again. I would see Linda one more time, but she was so messed up on drugs, I didn’t bother talking to her.

After wandering around for a bit, I took a break to ponder my situation. I had pretty much thrown out the idea of getting laid at Future Fest. For starters, since people had come in from all over Texas, the logistics of taking a girl home were too complicated. Second, there were cops and security officers everywhere so an in-venue lay was impossible. Finally, I just wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t have any intention of hooking up with people. I just wanted to practice my game sober and get a few kisses.

By this time, the place had started getting crowded. After a few minutes of moving to the front of the dance floor, I got opened by some other friends I knew from college. We chatted and caught up with each other. I casually turned around to see two really hot girls, [Amy and May], (both HB8s) with lots of glow stuff. One of them would be my first kiss-close of the night. I wasn’t nervous at all.

Me: How much does it cost to buy one of your glow-bracelets?
Amy: What? [she looked confused.]
Me: How much are you selling those bracelets for?
Amy: I’m not selling them. If you want one, I’ll just give you one.

She gave me a bracelet and I instigated kino by getting her to put it on my wrist for me. I did the same thing with May. I put on my Kanye glasses and the girls immediately wanted a picture with me. We took one with my camera and one with theirs. Amy and I talked about where we were from and when I mentioned I was also from DFW but going to school in Austin, she started to get really into me. I got Amy to give kiss me on the cheek afterwards. I was on the verge for making Amy my target for the night, but then she dropped a bomb on me. “This is our first rave because in Dallas you have to be 17 to go these and we’re only 16,” she said. That’s right, I just spent the last 20 minutes running game on and kiss-closing a 16 year-old. I’ve never felt so dirty in my life.

The most of the remaining time was spent taking pictures with people. Most of these people were hot topless women who had painted themselves (both hired guns and regular girls). I was nervous the first time I did it, but after that there was no fear. I would recommend it for anyone. Asking a topless woman to take a picture with you is an excellent way to get rid of AA. Not once was I turned down for a picture. The best part was taking a pic with Boobie Girl 2 and getting a kiss on the cheek from her. That was my first time getting a kiss from a redhead. I did end up finally meeting with Leroy and his crew. I didn’t hang out with them much, but I would spend the last hour I was there with them.

The night climaxed around 4:30 AM. I was dancing with Jason, Todd, Earl, and a girl they knew from highschool, [Tara], when I saw a beautiful woman, [Eden], (HB8.5) dancing by herself. I decided to go direct, Asian Playboy style.

Me [comes up and places a hand on her shoulder, causing her to turn toward me]: I know this is totally inappropriate, but I think you are gorgeous.
Eden [makes an “aww that’s so sweet" motion with her body]: [She then says something I can’t hear. The music was REALLY loud.]
Me: What?
Eden: What?
Me: I can’t hear you!
Eden: What?
Me (thinking): This isn’t going to go anywhere if we can’t hear each other. [I touch her shoulder and point to a place further from the music. She nods and follows.]
Me: What’s your name?
Eden: Eden.
Me: A beautiful name for the beautiful woman. [I kiss her hand.]
Eden: [wraps her arms around me.]
Me (thinking): The time for speaking is over. [I point to my lips. She takes the hint and we kiss, ending a three week long dry spell. I got her number just in time because her friends found her a few seconds later.]

Not only was she hottest girl I kissed that night, but she was the hottest girl I’ve kissed EVER. And I did it while sober. Until then, all the girls I had kissed were in the HB6.5-7.5 range. I had made out with a girl I thought was a HB9 while drunk, but she turned out to only be a HB6.75 when I sobered up.

So that was it. Twelve hours of the not only the best party I’ve ever been to, but some of the best game I’ve ever run. No alcohol required, just lots of caffeine to stay awake. Now that I know what I am capable of while sober, I will continue to sarge sober more often. I’m going to take my game to next level, one sober step at a time.


Overall Personal Assessment:

Considering that it was my first night sarging sober in awhile, I think I did pretty well. In fact, I did much better than I had these last few weeks. My body language was solid the entire night. Both girls and guys were leaning into me and “pecking.” I did lean in a few times myself, but only if they were leaning in. People were opening me left and right and that NEVER happens to me. In retrospect, I should have taken that as an indication to move closer. Hindsight is 20/20. There was one failed kiss-close that I think I could have played better. She had given me several IOIs and even went out of her way to tell me she had broken up with her boyfriend. She gave me the “find me when you are about to leave” line. (Sadly, she left before I did.) Comfort was probably an issue, but I think the main problem was location. Her ex-boyfriend’s roommates had been sitting with her before I arrived. They had left, but could easily come back at any time. I should have isolated her.


Once again, any comments are welcome.

Future Fest: Ryan Goes Sober (Part 1)

Date Occurred: June 27

Note: This will be the longest FR I’ve ever made. It was 12 hour event with so many important occurrences that all added up to make the night what it was. Even after rereading it and cutting out the stuff that wasn’t really important, there is still quite a bit. That said, I know you guys will enjoy it. This will be in two parts, the second being much better than the first. I didn’t plan it that way, but most of my nights hit their climax toward their end. If you just want to skip to the second part, I won’t hold it against you.

And as usual, criticism of my both writing style and performance is ALWAYS welcome.

It was finally time Future Fest, a massive electronic music festival that I have been waiting for since the beginning of June. Along with it being the best 12 consecutive hours of my life up that point, it caused me to realize multiple (positive) things about myself. For the first time in awhile I would be partying completely sober. It made all the difference.

Arrival to 12 AM

I arrived at the venue (a giant warehouse-like building) at 5:45 PM. The doors didn’t open until 8, but I wanted to park in a place that didn’t require a telescope to see the venue. I was supposed to meet up with a friend, [Leroy], and his crew, but they were not there yet. Fine by me, the venue hadn’t opened yet and I still needed to pick up my ticket.

Before I got into game, I used to stand quietly in line and keep to myself. Now, I can’t stay in line for ten minutes without striking up a conversation with the people next to me. The two guys in front of me, [Mike and Lee], were students at UNT and came down to Austin just for Future Fest. Since I was from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area, I used this to establish common ground. We joked about how much it sucked waiting in line on such a hot day (it was over 100 degrees). I told them it wouldn’t matter because everyone going to be sweaty and nasty once the dancing started. The two of them told me I could hang out with them by their van after I picked up my ticket.

I showed up at their van and let Mike introduce me (it gives more social proof than if I had done it myself) to all of his friends. He had an interesting crew of people. [Jason and Earl] were recent highschool graduates who in a band with [Todd], who as still in highschool. The “leader” of the group, [Will], was also a recent highschool graduate and the owner of the van (a classic Volkswagen). It turned out that they were all from Austin. Mike and Lee were just attending UNT as students. Earl was attending a community college with hopes of transferring to UT.

Despite being so young, these guys knew how to party. It wasn’t long before we were all having a good time and attracting other people to our van. A girl came by and asked us all to sign her beach ball. One guy, who was in the Navy, came over with an interesting gift for us.

Having spent 4 years in Austin, I’m no stranger to the rave scene. However, all of my experience with raving had been in upscale nightclubs in downtown Austin. Ecstasy was everywhere, but that was pretty much the only thing you’d see there. To my surprise, he guy from the Navy offered us coke in board daylight in front of lots of people. Will took him up on the offer and the two of them did a line in his van. It shocked me at first, after a few minutes I stopped worrying. If no one else cared, neither would I.

Seeing the line of people at the door getting longer and longer, Jason, Earl, Todd, and I decided to go wait in line. Will and Mike decided to stay at the van. Lee went to pick up some more people. While in line, the three told me about their band and how they were about to start recording their second album. After a few minutes, two people who knew Todd came up to us: a guy, [Tim], and his girlfriend, [Rosy].

I’m only mentioning them because Rosy would provide us with one of the funniest events at the party—and possibly one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Rosy saw one of her friends from 100 yards away and shouted out her name. Both Rosy and her friend are incredibly fat and they are also wearing bikinis (standard rave attire, apparently). As soon as her friend sees Rosy, the two of them start running towards each other across their field like couples in those cheesy romantic movies. Imagine this: Two incredible fat girls running to each other at full speed. Since they are wearing bikinis, fat in all kinds of places is moving and jiggling in all directions. And finally the two of them uniting and chubby embrace.

Jason, Todd, and I saw the whole thing and we probably could have heard them huffing and puffing afterwards if we weren’t laughing so hard. Earl, whose back was turned to the “show,” wanted to know what was so funny. We told him he missed it and it was time to go inside. Let Future Fest begin!

The four of us cheered as the first blast of cool air hit our faces. Thank science for air conditioning! The reason I like dance parties is because it is really easy to get in state. The energy is naturally high and if you have other high-energy people with you it makes things easier. Mystery says the dancefloor is a trap, but I’ve never had anything but good experiences on the dancefloor. We started up a dance circle and a random girl (and HB6) joined us. We didn’t talk, just danced. (I would eventually see her again and get a picture with her).

After a few minutes of dancing I told the guys I was going to look around the venue. Besides, I had to find a bathroom. I was feeling better because of the dancing, but still too shy to talk to girls. Like I said, this was my first time doing sober cold approaches in months.

While I was looking for the bathroom, I passed by a body-paint stand where a topless woman (HB5), [Boobie Girl 1], was getting painted. One nipple was painted and, much to my excitement, the other wasn’t. I got to see one of her boobs in all its natural, unpainted glory. And that was all it took. I hadn’t talked to a girl yet and I had already seen some boobies. I knew it was going to be a good night.

I continued to explore the building. The place was huge. Not only was there a massive dancefloor inside, but there were two more outside. Each played a different kind of music—all electronic, just different genres. There was also an upstairs dancefloor. On my way back to reunite with the group, I got opened by a guy, [Fred], and the girl he was with. He asked me if this was my first rave.

I guess I stood out more than I anticipated. I was wearing navy blue cargo shorts and blue, short-sleeved button-down with a white under shit underneath, night-club attire. My raving gear consisted of two glowsticks, a glow necklace, and a pair of those infamous Kanye West sunglasses (unlike Kanye’s, mine lit up). Since I was in unfamiliar territory, my goal was to blend in. Ironically, by trying to blend in I ended up standing out. Because I was wearing nice clothing that didn’t glow in the dark, light with up LED displays (yes, there are shirts that do this), or didn’t reflect light, I was different. I was remarkable for being so unremarkable.

Fred and I talked and he told me I needed a rave name. He dubbed me “Autobot” and gave me one of his bracelets with a small Transformers toy attached to it. We held hands, fingers interlocked, and he transferred the bracelet from his wrist to mine while chanting, “Peace, love, and raving. You are [my real name] no longer, you are now Autobot!”

The last significant event that occurred before midnight was me stopping by the body-paint stand again. This time a hot redhead (HB9), [Boobie Girl 2], was getting painting. As some of you know, I have fetish for redheads. She was just getting started so both her beautiful, redhead-pink nipples were exposed. I was in heaven. That was my first time ever seeing a redhead’s nipples in real life. The night could have ended right there and I would have been happy. I “watched the artist work” for a good ten minutes, taking one last look back as I finally decided to walk away. I would be seeing her again.

To be continued...