Last Night's Trip Downtown

This is what I remember about my trip to 6th street last night:

• The taxi ride there.
• Drinking a four horsemen and shouting, "This is to pestilence, famine, war, and death!"
• Leaving in a pick-up truck.

On the plus side, I got a few phone numbers. Too bad I can't remember what the girls look like.

I need to cut down on the drinking. I'm going to sarge sober tonight.

P.S.

I arrived with $60 in my wallet and came back with $32. Guess where all of it went. This is why I usually drink before I go downtown.

Kissing Some Girls and Getting Others to Play With My Balls Part 2

The party was a costume party. The theme was “As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?” I brought out, my all purpose costume: my lab coat. But to spice things up, I brought and pen and notepad. I was both a scientist and a writer.

This party would contain several important lessons for me:

• Being original is always better than imitating someone else.
• AMOGing is isn’t as hard as I thought it was.
• Stay away from Everclear.

Like I had said earlier, I brought a notepad and paper with me. I would go around telling people I was a scientist and a writer and would write a haiku for them. The first haiku I wrote for this cute Asian girl (HBcallout) was actually from Fight Club. I got called on it by one of the guys (the boyfriend) in the first set I entered. I agreed with him and the conversation turned into a discussion of how awesome fight club was. After some more talking, I ejected (there were still more sets to open).

My next approach was a guy (we will call him Bob) I knew. I had crashed one of his parties earlier in the semester, but didn’t get a chance to talk to him much. Bob was very well-adjusted socially and an excellent natural who commands a tight-knit group of friends. I had only heard about his party because XIII had been invited to it. I was supposed to go somewhere else, but my friend canceled on me so I went with XIII instead. I gave him a haiku talking about how he was the leader of the pack. He said he was glad me met me and told me to add him on Facebook.

I about to move on to another set, but HBcallout had other ideas. Apparently, she was unhappy that I gave her a haiku I didn’t make up and told Bob that the haiku I had given him was fake. To make a long story short, the haiku I gave Bob was proved to be original to HBcallout’s satisfaction and I ended up writing her an original one about her calling me out. She thought it was funny and suddenly I was on her good side. I Facebook-closed her. I wanted to do more, but her boyfriend was with her.

The hostess of the party, who we will call Becky, was drunk when I got there. Like me, she sought to get even drunker. At the time this other girl and I were standing by the punch bowl and Becky asked us if the punch needed more alcohol. Both of us agreed it did so Becky grabbed a bottle of Everclear and dumped some into the punch.

This is when I made my second mistake of the night. I asked Becky to pour some of the Everclear directly into the punch in my glass. The result was some of the strongest punch I ever had. I drank it all, knowing full well how by body reacted too much Everclear. I knew I was on a timer. Eventually it would hit me and my game would take a plunge, but perform better under pressure.

Not wanting to waste any time, I went outside and entered a 3set with two beautiful blondes and one dude. One of the blondes, a HB8, told me I could ask her three questions. It sounded fun so I decided to play along. The guy, however, was not amused and kept trying to AMOG me.

Me: [I can’t remember the first question]
Guy: That was a lame question.
HB8: [I can’t remember her answer]
Me: What is you purpose in life?
Guy: That was better than you last question.
HB8: That IS a good question. [She answers it. Once again, I do not remember her answer.]
[I had only one question left and I realized the first tow questions were interview questions. I needed to change things up. With only one question left, I decided to get wild.]
Me [I give her a sly look]: Are you a good kisser?
[And this is where things got interesting. The guy took exception and he switched from plain ball-busting to straight up AMOGing.]
Guy: You can’t ask that question.
Me: That’s up to her.
Guy: The answer is “she’s not kissing you.”
Me: I’m asking her, not you.
[Keep in mind, my body is facing toward HB8 and I’m only briefly turning my head toward the guy to answer him, and then I quickly turn back to HB8.]
HB8: I am my own person. I will answer his question myself.
Me: So anyway, are you a good kisser?
HB8: [Something like “I don’t know” or “maybe”]
Me: Let’s find out.
Guy: Hey now!
HB8: I can make my own decisions… [Reality catches up with her.] …but I can’t kiss you here.
Guy: That’s three questions!
Me: But I get a bonus one. Will you move over there with me for a little bit? [I point to an isolated location a few yards away]
HB8: I will only go if my sister comes with me.
[Suddenly the second blonde, also HB8 (She would be an HB7, but the glasses gave her an extra point)]
Me: Well?
Sister: I don’t want to go over there.
Me: That’s fine.

HB8 leaves to get a drink. I stay and talk to the guy and the sister. I write the sister a haiku about how hot her glasses make her look and how her “boyfriend” (the guy in the set) was glaring at me. She thought it funny. I found out that the guy wasn’t her boyfriend, but the boyfriend of HB8.

I eventually ejected and went back inside. This where I met HBengaged. (I wouldn’t figure out she was engaged until AFTER I added her on Facebook the next morning.) She was a beautiful (fake) redhead, and she had the kind of beauty that I knew wouldn’t fade when I sobered up. She was easily an 8.5.

By this point, the Everclear had hit me so my world became a series of images. I have no memory of what I said to her, but I do know I eventually started touching her face. I usually do this when I’m about to kiss a girl. If she lets me touch her face, I know she’s down for a kiss. I go for it. Multiple kiss-closes and a number-close.

After awhile I decided to leave that party. I was getting tired and the Everclear was preventing me from socializing properly. Besides, after all I had accomplished, I figured it would be time to call it night. I woke up messed up from last night and had a killer headache a couple of hours later. No more Everclear for me.

Totals:

• One kiss the cheek from a random girl and several on the lips from HBengaged.
• One successful counter-AMOGing
• One girl playing with my balls while her friends watched.

Kissing Some Girls and Getting Others to Play With My Balls Part 1

Date occurred: Saturday May 23

This is not the most romantic FR I’ve ever posted. It mostly involves me taking risks, kissing girls who don't tell me they are engaged, and writing haikus.

I graduated from college this past Friday. This meant catching up with my family, listening to them tell me how proud of me they are, talking about my future, and sitting through a boring three hour ceremony. I did, however, get four free meals out of it (lunch and dinner on Friday and Saturday at my parents’ expense).

I didn’t go out on Friday because I was too tired, but on Saturday (yesterday) a couple of female friends of mine were throwing a graduation party and I decided to crash it.

As usual, I pre-partied in my apartment. I had good drunk going until I took a shower. Much to my dismay, I came out sober and had to start over again. I thought to myself, “Wait a minute, why am I using MY alcohol? I have friends who drink, too.” It was time to pay MDog a visit.

I come in to see Street, MDog’s roommate, sitting on the couch. Like me, he just graduated. More importantly, they had an open bottle of champagne on the table. I helped myself. While I was consuming the rest of their alcohol, MDog joined us. They told me some of their recent sex stories and I told them the good parts of the Female Body Inspection story. Street had already heard some of it from a guy who was there, but MDog hadn’t heard anything.

After finishing off their champagne (there was a 1/4 of a bottle left before I got there), I decided it was time to head out. As I was leaving their apartment complex, I passed three girls in the hall smoking. When I’m sober, I don’t go for smokers; when I’m drunk, I go for anything. This, however, was an exception because I knew these girls (sort of) and, more importantly, I knew the guy they were with and he hated me.

Backstory: The guy and his roommate hate me for two reasons. First, I crashed one of their parties and lied about knowing someone (the ONLY time I’ve ever lied about who I knew) so they wouldn’t harass me. They are kind of guys who freak out every time a male they don’t know enters their party. Douchebags, in other words. Later they found out that I had lied and promptly kicked me out. (The three girls were at this party.) Second, when I’m wasted and carving my usual path of drunken destruction, I’d always climb onto their balcony and use their back door to get into the apartment complex where they lived. The apartment complex locks all the entry doors so it’s almost impossible to get in. When I’m drunk, I believe the universe exists for my pleasure so I have no problem climbing onto a balcony and using someone else’s door to get in. Hey, it’s not MY fault they always left that door unlocked.

So me being the conflict-avoider that I was, I tried to walk past the four of them without saying anything. The girls had other ideas. As soon as I came close, they started hitting on me. Normally, I’d be all over them; but as I said, I know the guy with them doesn’t like me. So I just gave a friendly greeting and went on my way. They weren’t done.

Girl1: You have a nice butt.
[This set me off. She had flipped my drunken arousal switch. I no longer cared about the guy. What could he do to me anyway? Hit me? That would a fight he couldn’t finish.]
Me [turning around]: Would you like to touch it?
[The girls start laughing, but the guy gave me a look of hatred and death. Oh well, he wasn’t about get his ass grabbed. He doesn’t matter.]
Me: I’m serious. I just graduated and on my graduation, everyone gets a present.
Girl1: Come here.
[All three girls took turns feeling my butt.]
[Somehow, I don’t remember how, the subject of my nuts came up. Knowing me, I had probably started it.]
Girl2: Let me feel your nuts.
Me: Okay. [Like I’m going to say “no” to that.]
[Girl 2 is tickling my nuts (my pants are still on, mind you). Girl1 and Girl 3 are laughing. The guy is angry, but knows he can’t do anything to me, not with all the girls on my side. The roommate came out, too. My theatrics tend to attract attention. Once she is done, I tell them I really do have to leave.]
[Girl 3 sticks out her hand. Being a gentleman, I shake it. That was not what she wanted.]
Girl3: I want to slap your ass.
Me: Okay. [My ass gets slapped. I leave. I could hear to two guys talking trash about me, but I didn’t care. They didn’t get their nuts grabbed.]

Lesson learned: Don't be afraid to push the limits. She might reject you, or she might play with your nuts.

And yes, that was my first time having a girl play with my balls.

So I got my ass slapped by three girls and got one to play with my balls. And I haven’t even made it to the graduation party yet.

To be continued...